My Weight Loss Journey

Switching Things Up and Exercising on Vacation

2011-08-06T17:46:00.000-07:00

Switching Things Up

Again, it's been quite a while since I've posted. It's funny, because you'd think that summer would be a time for me to do more with things like my blogs and crafting (it's been well over a year since I scrapbooked) since I don't have to work during the summer. But I think what has happened is that I get so busy doing other things that I am just not near my computer that much. That, and I am busy entertaining my kids. During the school year, however, I am always on my computer updating my class web page, writing lesson plans, etc.

The same thing has happened with my weight loss. I thought sure that the summer would be the time to really see a huge amount of progress in my weight loss numbers. Unfortunately, that's not the case. I still go to the gym every day, I still go to my Weight Watcher meetings every Monday, and I still watch what I eat (though I'm not consistent in tracking my food.) However, my weight has been going up and down all summer.

After talking to one of the receptionists at my WW meeting after weighing in last week and only losing 0.4 pound, I decided to take a look at my habits. I had been working out 7 days a week for 1 1/2 to 2 hours each day. She told me that another member had had the same problem and decided to not exercise on the day of her weigh in. She thought that she might be having some water-retention carrying into her weigh-ins. So, I tried the same technique this past week and lost 1.6 pounds. I also started thinking that maybe I'm exercising too much. So, I'm going to switch things up and scale back my workouts to 5 days a week rather than 7, and definitely not workout on my weigh-in day. I'm also going to be more diligent in my tracking.

Exercising on Vacation

This weekend, my husband and I had the opportunity for a weekend trip alone. That's right, no kids. We dropped our three boys off at my parents' house and drove the 10 hours to New York City. We are staying with friends of ours in Manhattan until Sunday evening. Today, while they guys were doing some podcasting work, I decided that I would take advantage of the beautiful park across the street from their apartment building and take a brisk walk. So, I changed into my workout clothes, laced up my running shoes, and strapped on my iPhone and headed out. Our friends recommended that I take the paths that go through the woods, as they are inclined and scenic. And they certainly were. I found myself walking at a fast pace, and even occasionally broke into a run. Before I knew it, about 45 minutes had passed and I decided I should start heading back. I soon discovered that this park was enormous. By the time I finally found my way back to the apartment, I had completed a 90 minute trek. Who knew that exercising while on vacation could be so relaxing and enjoyable?

Catching Up

2011-06-20T20:24:00.000-07:00

It's been about a month and a half since my last post. That's not because I've given up or experienced a setback. It really has to do more with dealing with everything else going on in my life. May is always a very busy and very stressful month for me. Getting ready to wrap up the school year and head into the summer is very stressful for me. I worry about what material I haven't covered with my class, what can I still squeeze in, are their second grade teachers going to criticize me for what they aren't prepared for when they reach them? I know that some of these fears are ridiculous, but some are worth worrying about. Regardless, I can't seem to focus on much else during the last weeks of school.

Nevertheless, I did stick to my eating and workout routines, so that much is positive. I just kind of let this blog, and my other one, fall by the wayside. I could go back and write a blog for each of those weeks that I missed, but I don't think I'm going to do that. I'll just update from where I am now and continue one.

As has always been the case, I've kind of gone up and down, but in small increments. I was really excited when last week (after my first full week out of school) I lost 3 pounds! That put me at 36 pounds lost to date. Unfortunately, that also gave me a false sense of security that I had it all under control. As a result I didn't track this week, I wasn't careful about what I ate (in fact, I was very reckless about the food I ate), and even though I still kept up with my daily trips to the gym, I gained 5.6 pounds. Yikes!! Now, that is what I call a setback. I'm back down to a net loss of 30.4 pounds. It's still great progress. I'm not going to de-value that. But, it is a lot of ground lost. And it comes on the verge of two separate trips away from home.

At this point, what I need to do is take an honest look back at the week behind me and identify what I did (or didn't do) that led to this gain. Then, I need to set goals for myself that will put me back on the right track to success. So, I'm going to lay it all out here for everyone to see. I realize that I probably don't have many readers, but this blog has never been about anybody else. It has always been about me. Putting down a record for myself, a chance for me to reflect on this journey that is (nearly) 38 years in the making. I see my oldest son heading down the same path of obesity that I traveled all of my life and I want to do what I can to prevent him from taking that journey. If keeping this record of all I have done and learned can accomplish that, then it has been well worth the effort I have put into it. So, here's my reflection of the week that led to +5.6 pounds:

What I did:
* On the plus side, I still worked out every day (yay for me!)
* We went out to eat quite a bit this week.
* I have been drinking a lot of diet soda and I have not been drinking my daily water goal.
* On Wednesday, we took the boys to Chuck E. Cheese's for their birthday celebration. I had pizza and salad.
* On Friday, I had Chipotle for lunch and CiCi's pizza for dinner. While I still had my two servings from the salad bar, I also had more than my allotted 2 slices of pizza.
* On Father's Day, when I got lunch for my husband from McDonald's (his request) I did not choose a salad as I should have (they have really LAME salads there--I much prefer Wendy's for fast-food salads,) instead I had a grilled chicken sandwich and french fries
* My middle son, Ben, won a raffle prize at Giant Eagle--a bag of a package each of four different kinds of cookies. I had quite a few of those cookies, quite a few times.
* When we got dinner on Sunday, I ate all of my egg roll, all of my egg drop soup, and all of my Phad Thai.

My goals:
* I will drink my 64 oz. of water every day before I allow myself to have a diet soda.
* If I have alcohol, I will limit it to just 1 drink, and only after I have had my water for the day.
* If I eat out, I will make the best choice I possibly can.
* I will track every bite I eat every day.
* I will do my workout every day.
* I will watch my portion sizes and let my body tell me when I am done eating, not the condition of my plate.
* I will eat only when I am hungry and eat until I am satisfied, not full.

I think that this week is serving as a wake-up call that I will need to be careful about my habits regarding food for the rest of my life. I have heard, and repeated, many times that this is a lifestyle change. I can't do any of this temporarily. It has to be for good. I can't think of the way I eat as a "just for now" kind of thing. And I am going to have to work at it every day for the rest of my life. It is permanent and it is forever. It has to be.

Inching Closer

2011-05-02T20:00:00.000-07:00

Tonight was another night of inching closer to that 30 pound mark. This week I lost 0.8 pounds. I only have 0.8 to go to reach my 30 pound goal. It isn't my final goal, but it is a big milestone on the journey.

Tonight's meeting topic was eating out. How can you eat out at a restaurant and still be successful? There are a few things to keep in mind when you know that you are going to be dining away from home.

* PLAN AHEAD
- figure out where you are going to go before you leave the house
- go online and look for the nutritional information, figure out what you are going to eat and what the points are before you go
- choose a place that has a salad bar and eat that first
- get a to-go box up-front
- share your meal with someone
- ask for alternatives, don't be afraid to ask questions and make requests
- be assertive when asking for your food to be cooked the way you want it
- be aware of portion sizes

The fact is that you will occasionally go out to eat. It's a fact of life. You can't avoid restaurants because they might pose challenges. You need to know how to make good choices in your eating and anything is possible. Nothing is off-limits. No matter what you do to lose weight, the reality is that it needs to be a lifestyle change to be a lasting change. Don't think about it being temporary. You can't say, "when my diet is over I can eat XYZ again." Make XYZ part of what you eat now, just in moderation. Everyone has the potentional to be successful if you know your tools and how to use them properly. It's taken me many years of being overweight to finally embrace that philosophy.

Visible Proof of Progress

2011-04-30T19:59:00.000-07:00

For quite a while now, people have been telling me that I look like I've lost weight. Unfortunately, I'm too close to see it. So after about the millionth person told me that I looked like I was getting thinner, I decided to try to gather some evidence for myself. On my computer at school is a program called "Photobooth" in which I can take a picture of myself through the computer. I thought I would take the picture then do a side-by-side comparison to a picture from before I started losing weight. I can't believe how shocked I was to see the difference in my face. I think the next step is to have my husband take some pictures of me in my workout clothes to compare with the "before" picture I posted in January. So, here they are, a before and after/during documentation of my weight loss efforts.

What You Weigh is Not Who You Are

2011-04-25T18:49:00.000-07:00

I think I should have paid more attention to the notes that I kept during tonight's Weight Watchers meeting.

When I got home after a 0.2 pound loss, I was moping around (as my dear husband called it.) Going into this meeting, I was only 1.8 pounds away from losing 30 pounds. I really had my heart set on achieving this goal tonight. So, when I arrived home and my husband asked how it went, I was kind of mopey. I really needed just a few minutes to reflect on the week before and what I had or had not done that led to such a small loss. In all rational parts of my mind, I know that any loss is good because it's a loss and the scale is going in the right direction. So, now I'm 1.6 pounds away from my 30 pound goal.

Tonight, my leader Marie talked about NSV's - Non Scale Victories. We need to celebrate the small, everyday victories not just the ones dictated by the numbers on the scale. My NSV was that I went to the gym on Easter morning before going to dinner. I need to remember to let my behavior drive the scale, not let the scale drive my behavior. I am not my weight and the numbers on the scale do not determine the kind of person I am or how I live my life. When asked how my week was, I should not respond based on what the numbers on the scale said. So my next step is to rationally reflect on the week behind me and determine how I can make each day better than the last and make changes in my life that will lead to a long-term healthy lifestyle.

Visualization and the Power of Positive Thinking

2011-04-18T17:16:00.000-07:00

"You must begin to think of yourself as becoming the person you want to be." -David Viscott

I am pleased to say that tonight I continued my weight loss journey with another 2-pound loss. I have now lost a total of 28.2 pounds in 15 weeks. This is the first time I can remember such a positive feeling and outlook associated with weight loss. I feel so encouraged by my progress and feel like it's finally the last time I will go down this road. I've been working so hard, I can't imagine ever going back to the weight I was at before. I have to think positively and believe with all my heart that there is a thin woman hiding inside me. I have to think that, in a year's time, I will finally have shed all my unwanted weight for good. I have a hard time putting a picture in my mind because I've never been thin, so I have nothing to go back to.

Our meeting topic tonight was on visualization and the power of positive thinking. To achieve success, we need to picture ourselves making good choices. This doesn't leave a lot of room for spontaneity when it comes to eating, because I usually make poorer choices when I don't have the opportunity to plan things out. It's almost like we have to have a plan for every instance that could come our way. Unfortunately, that's not something I can see myself doing either. I need to strike a balance in order to achieve success. The picture that I visualize in my mind is stepping on that scale. What will it be like if I step on the scale Monday night after eating that cheeseburger instead of the salad or chicken sandwich? How will I feel if I have a gain or a small loss and know that I could have avoided it by making a different choice? I know that I would beat myself up over it and be super-strict the next week.

By this point, making the best choices should be natural, not an afterthought. Do I still feel like I need to treat myself every once in a while? Absolutely. But, along with that comes the guilt that I should have "treated" myself in ways other than with food. I have 37 years of bad eating habits to overcome. It's going to take some time. I don't know that I'll ever prefer a nice green salad over a big greasy cheeseburger. But, that's what's nice about doing Weight Watchers rather than another "diet" that might get me quick results, but won't be something that I can live with for the rest of my life. I don't have to live without the foods I enjoy. I just have to indulge in moderation and plan ahead for them. I can't think that I'm never going to have another cheeseburger. But, I can plan to plan for it.

"Visualize this thing that you want, see it, feel it, believe in it. Make your mental blue print, and begin to build." -Robert Collier

Me Time

2011-04-11T20:09:00.000-07:00

I'm not what I ought to be, I'm not what I want to be, but I'm not what I was.

This week, I worked really hard. I wrote down everything I ate, I stayed within my points every day, and I exercised every day. The results, -0.2 pound. It's not big, but it's still a loss no matter how small. My loss last week was pretty big, so I'm pleased with the direction I'm going.

The topic of this week's meeting was taking care of ourselves and having a little "me time." This really spoke to me because I think that's what finally got me motivated to head back to Weight Watchers this year. I finally decided that I needed to do something for myself, to feel better about myself. Many people are astounded at how I can get up to exercise every morning before work, but that's my "me time." I don't have to rush through my workout to get home or get the boys out of the childcare room. As much as I love my family and enjoy my job, I need to make sure that I have time for this important task in my life.

During our meeting, we were asked to take the letters of our first name and write down something we can do for ourselves that would help us achieve success that starts with each of the letters. Here's mine:

Change it up (add variety to exercise and eating)
Always write it down (when I write down everything I eat is when I have the most success)
React to stress in ways other than eating
Only treat occasionally (nothing is off-limits as long as you do it in moderation)
Load up on fruits and veggies (snacking on fruits and veggies has 0 points and helps fill me up)
Yes! It's my turn to do something for myself
Never forget to exercise

When is it going to be your turn to take care of yourself? What can you do to ensure success?

Hard Work Pays Off

2011-04-04T19:32:00.000-07:00

Last week I was disappointed to see that my laid-back behaviors over Spring Break had cost me and I had gained 4 pounds. I started off well, but when we went on our road trip, it all fell apart. I stopped tracking, I ate some fudge and some fried food, and then some more fudge. I wasn't surprised, but I was disappointed in myself. But this week, I bounced back. Through hard work, commitment and determination to stick to my plan, I lost those 4 pounds. It's now like that week never happened and I'm back on track. I'm back to a total loss of 26 pounds.

I knew that I would be able to lose the weight I had gained over Spring Break, but I thought it would take 2 or 3 weeks, since I'd been losing 1 to 1 1/2 pounds per week for a couple of weeks. I'm pretty inconsistent with how much I'll lose each week. If this week proves anything, it's that I can have a great loss if I stick to my exercise routine and write down everything I eat.

Our meeting tonight was led by Jen, who was substituting for Marie (our regular leader.) She talked about the importance of exercise in your weight loss journey. She started by asking who liked to exercise. I found myself raising my hand. I actually do. It's one of my favorite parts of my day. Yes, it's hard to get out of bed when the alarm goes off at 5:00 am. But, I find that once I am in the middle of my exercise, I really get a momentum going and just want to keep going. Unfortunately, I just can't.

When I was at the gym yesterday, I discovered something new to add to my exercise routine: Zumba. I had taken the boys with me and had already done 30 minutes on the elliptical when I stepped into one of the Studios to see if there were any classes going on, so I could do my stability ball exercises in there if it was empty. I discovered that a Zumba class was about to start. I've always wanted to try it, because I have quite a few friends who have recommended it. I was nervous to give it a try because it's fast-paced and I don't feel like I have a lot of natural rhythm when it comes to dancing (which is what this is based on.) I have to say I was pretty proud of myself for jumping in and trying it. I had a blast! I told my husband when I got home that I really want to make that a part of my Sunday routine.

When it comes to adding exercise into your weight loss equation, you have to start slow. I've been exercising regularly for quite a while now, so I felt pretty comfortable trying something with a little intensity. But, that's not possible for everyone. If you have a goal to participate in a race, you can't start off with a marathon. Set your goals short-term and attainable. Start with a nightly walk around the block. You can gradually add in longer distances or more intense activity. Even the self-professed exercise haters need to find something that gets them going and adds activity into their weight loss efforts. It's just not possible to lose the weight, keep it off, and be healthy without some form of exercise.

There was a quote on the board at the meeting that really summed up the attitude that I've adopted this year. It was from Dr. Seuss (and of course, as a first grade teacher I just love Dr. Seuss quotes!):

"You have the brains in your head and the feet in your shoes; you can steer yourself in any direction you choose."
The only person responsible for your choices is you. You are the one who chooses how to live your life and what you are going to do to achieve your goals. Anything is possible if you decide you are going to do it.

Setback

2011-03-28T16:42:00.000-07:00

Well, I'm really embarrassed to write this post. But, I did promise to document everything, good or bad, and be honest. So, here goes. This week I gained 4 pounds. Yikes! I can't say that I'm surprised that it's a gain, because I'm coming off of Spring Break, during which I wasn't the best about my eating habits, but I didn't expect that it would be this big of a gain. If I'm going to be honest, I have to admit that I'm disappointed in myself. I know that everyone says not to beat myself up about it and that I can turn it around quickly, but I feel like I do have to beat myself up about it or else it won't have an impact on my future behaviors.

I'm not going to let this setback stop me from reaching my goals. I'm not going to throw my hands in the air and give up just because I gained 4 pounds. It's going to make me that more determined to get back on track and it will make me more careful when similar circumstances present themselves in the future. What it all comes down to is that I'm not going to go back to my old habits or let one setback be my downfall. As I said in previous posts, I'm going to reflect on this last week and figure out what I did wrong and what I can do differently to achieve a different result.

I still exercised four out of seven days this week (though not my usual five.) However, while I didn't go crazy with my eating, I wasn't very careful either. We at breadsticks at Pollyeyes in Bowling Green, we got cheese and sausage at the little shop on the way up to BG, we stopped at Coon's Candy and bought several pieces of fudge, we had dinner at Tony Packo's in Toledo, and I had dinner on Sunday at Cheeseburger in Paradise and had a cheeseburger and fries. Lastly, I had a glass of wine right before bed last night.

But now, it's a new week. Even before my weigh-in I knew that I hadn't made good choices and needed to get back on track. I had my usual breakfast and lunch. I think the hardest part of this experience is going to be tomorrow, when I have to go to work and all of the friends and co-workers who are supporting me and rooting for me will be asking how I did. I don't want to have to face them and tell them that I gained four pounds.

But when I think about it, I think that's one of the factors that has been missing from my previous weight loss attempts, and ironically that was the topic of our leader's "lesson" tonight, accountability. When I have someone checking on my progress, supporting me and encouraging me, I do better. I am so fortunate to have the support that I do. My husband supports and encourages me with his habits in cooking our meals and asking me about my progress, my 9-year-old asks me every Monday how I did. Tonight when I told him that I had gained, he said, "That's okay. You'll do better next week." My mother-in-law has recently joined me at meetings and is a support for me. And I have numerous friends and co-workers who ask me about my weekly progress (and read my updates on this blog to find out whether or not to ask me about my progress.) I am very fortunate indeed.

Learning From Experience

2011-03-23T17:31:00.000-07:00

I've been so busy the last couple of weeks and I haven't taken the time to post my progress. First, let's start with an update. The week of March 7th I gained .2. I was expecting that because that was the week that I cut myself short two days in order to go back to the leader that I liked. Last week, I lost 1 pound. Now for tonight. I was so excited when I stepped on the scale tonight and had lost 2.8 pounds. This was a big night for me. I not only made it to 26 pounds total lost, I also reached (and exceeded) my 10% loss goal. After my meeting, I met with my leader Marie to determine my Lifetime Goal. I now have 62.6 pounds to go to make it to my Lifetime Goal.

When Marie gave me my award for making 10%, she asked me to tell the group what it was that helped me make it this far. I can't say that it's any one thing, it's a combination of many things working together that contributed to my success. As with many other things in my life, I've found that reflecting on my successes and failures is invaluable to continued success. Something that Marie said tonight really hit home for me, "A slip-up is a setup for a comeback." When you realize that when you have a "slip-up" it isn't an excuse to give up, it's an opportunity to come back stronger and better than ever because you have experience on your side. When I have a bad week, it's a lot easier for me to reflect on what I did wrong and change it than it is for me to look at a good week and point to what I did that made it work. I take the attitude that, just because I may have eaten something I shouldn't, or more than I should, or missed a day of exercise, that isn't the end for me.

This truly is a journey to bettering myself. You can't just snap your fingers and be at your destination when you are traveling, and you can't arrive at your goal weight after just a week or two, or even necessarily a month of trying. It really is a process, and you have to trust the process. Give it time. Reflect on your successes and your failures and learn from them. The only true failures are the ones you don't learn from.

Boredom?

2011-03-05T17:06:00.000-08:00

It's taken me a few days to get to my update this week because it was a busy week at work. This week, I went to a meeting on Wednesday because of the other things I had to do in the evenings. I'm pleased to report that this week I had a loss of 1.6 pounds. That takes care of the 1 pound I gained last week plus an additional .6 pounds. That brings my total to 22.8 pounds.

The unfortunate thing of going to the Wednesday night meeting was that it wasn't the leader that I'm used to. She was a nice enough lady, I just didn't care for her style. She wasn't the kind of person that would motivate me on a week-by-week basis, and that's what I look for when I go to my meetings. So, I'm going to plan on going back to the Monday meeting this week. The drawback to that is that I will have 2 less days to my week for the weigh-in. I'm prepared that it might be a smaller loss or none at all, but at least I will have the knowledge of why. I'm not saying I won't give my best effort, or even slack off. I'll just know the explanation for whatever the results are.

In spite of not having a connection with this week's leader, the topic was a source of reflection for me. She talked about boredom in our routines. For a lot of people, repetition leads to boredom. Boredom in their menu will cause them to overeat. Boredom in their exercise routines will cause them to stop exercising. For me, repetition and consistency is what keeps me on track. I have the same thing every morning on my way to the gym: a Thomas's Bagel Thin with 1 Tbs. of peanut butter and a banana. It gives me the energy to make it through my workout. At the gym, I mix it up a little bit, but will generally do the same things whenever I do cardio and when I do weights and crunches (which I alternate every other day.)

When I get to school, I will either have a bowl of oatmeal and some grapes, or an omelet that I make in the microwave with an apple. For lunch, I have a sandwich (usually ham) on Sandwich Slims, a WW String Cheese, cut up vegetables with dip, water with a Crystal Light flavor packet, and some fruit (depending on what is available.) Dinner is where I get variety.

The reason I like to have the same thing to eat every day is because I know how many points my breakfast and lunch are every day. It keeps me from eating things I shouldn't and it keeps me from overeating. I really don't want to have to think about what I'm going to eat for 2 out of 3 meals a day.

So, the questions is, does repeptition cause boredom for you or security?

My First Gain

2011-02-22T17:44:00.000-08:00

After 7 weeks of following the Weight Watchers plan, I've had my first weight gain. This week I gained exactly 1 pound. I can't say that I'm surprised. There were several factors contributing to this. I need to own them. I need to recognize what they were so that I can avoid another gain in the future.

First, I had a huge loss last week. I lost 6.2 pounds in my sixth week. It's really difficult to keep that rate of loss up for an extended period of time.

Second, I was sick with bronchitis last week, so I wasn't feeling 100%.

Because of being sick, my workouts didn't have the intensity or variety that they usually do. I still went to the gym, but I really toned it down and took it easy for the week.

Last, while I still watched what I ate and paid attention to portion sizes, I didn't write down what I ate. I find that is the key to my success. I need to keep a record of my eating and hold myself accountable to that.

So, while I'm not happy about a gain, it's not the end of the world and it's not the end of my commitment to changing my life through healthy eating, exercise, and healthful choices. I have still lost almost 21 pounds, and I'm pretty proud of that.

What a Surprise

2011-02-15T18:11:00.000-08:00

For every pound we lose, we gain so much more: a healthier lifestyle, renewed self-esteem and the confidence to make changes in our lives.

This week is conference week at school. I have to spend two evenings this week meeting with parents to discuss their child's progress. Since my first night of conferences was Monday, I wasn't able to attend my Monday night Weight Watchers meeting. One of the many benefits of WW is that you can attend a meeting any day of the week at any location. So, that's what I did. I went to a meeting tonight. Before I reveal the results of this week's weigh-in, I also need to let you know that I became sick again this week. Last month, it was strep. After taking the day off today to go to the doctor, I discovered that this time it's bronchial. I have been coughing constantly for days and now my throat is raw. It's soothed by hot tea and the cough is managed by cough drops and an over-the-counter cough suppressant.

Well, back to the weigh-in. When I was sick last month, I lost .6 pound. So, I was expecting a small number. Because of my chest congestion and sore throat, working out was downright painful, so on Monday I walked (briskly) 2 miles around the indoor track. Because I was taking off today to go to the doctor, I didn't go to the gym at all today. But, I was pleasantly surprised when I stepped on the scale and had lost 6.2 pounds this week for an overall total of -21.8 pounds! This is huge! I haven't lost that much weight in a stretch since my first major effort in 2005.

I'm realistic enough to realize that I probably have a plateau in my future. I may even have a gain sometime soon. But, I'm going to keep doing what I've been doing because it has been working. And if I do have a setback, I'm not going to let that stop me or get me down.

Are you really hungry?

2011-02-07T18:17:00.000-08:00

It's Monday yet again, and time for my weekly Weight Watchers weigh-in update. Today marked the end of my 5th week on the program and I am happy to say that I lost 1.4 pounds this week, bringing my grand total to 15.6 pounds lost. I can't express how excited I am that I have stuck with it this long, stayed motivated, kept up with my exercise routine, and have eaten the way I should. Every week has been a loss. Some have been bigger numbers than others, and that's to be expected, but it's still a loss. I have to admit, it was hard for me to accept smaller numbers after having such big numbers my first two weeks; -6.6 pounds and then -5.0 pounds, but I am losing within the expected range of 1-2 pounds per week. As I told my mom on the phone tonight, the weight didn't come on overnight, I can't expect to get rid of it overnight either.

Our meeting's focus tonight was about hunger. The meeting leader, and lifetime member herself, described hunger as a "need" to eat. Appetite is the "desire" to eat. We have to ask ourselves, "Why am I choosing to eat this?" Some of the reasons we eat are because of boredom, sadness, hapiness, stress, habit, and peer pressure. Do you eat because it's time to eat or just because you like the taste of the food? You are eating because you are truly hungry if your stomach is growling, your energy is plunging, healthy foods sound appealing (not just salty or sweet items,) or it's been four to five hours since your last meal. As I examined my own eating habits, I realized that the main reasons I eat are because it's time for a meal or because I am faced with a food that I really enjoy eating, like Reese's Peanut Butter Cups.

For our "homework" this week, we were set the task of finding ways to determine if our perceived hunger was really that, or if it was just an appetite for food. We are to make a list of 8 things we could do when we felt hungry rather than reaching for the food we desired. Here's my list of 8:

1. Drink a glass of water
2. Read a chapter in a book
3. Watch a television show
4. Start a movie
5. Play a game on the computer
6. Take a walk
7. Write a blog post
8. Read a book with my kids

Why do you eat and what are your food triggers? What could you do to distract yourself away from the food that is tempting you?

On The Right Track

2011-02-01T19:30:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was Monday, and with it my weekly Weight Watchers meeting. This week, I continued to lose with -2.2 pounds. This brings my total weight loss to -14.2 pounds. I wasn't too sure how this weigh-in was going to go, so I was a little anxious heading to the meeting. It wasn't because of anything I'd done. I'd done my tracking all week, worked out 6 days this week, and stayed within my points allowance every day, only dipping into my weekly allowance for a couple of points. I just had a kind of down feeling all day. I don't know what it was, I was just in a kind of funk all day.

Overall, I'm pleased with my progress. It's kind of hard to be happy with a 2 pound loss after starting out so strong, but I keep telling myself that 2 pounds is great and 5-6 pounds is only the norm for people like those on The Biggest Loser whose only job is losing weight. Sometimes it's hard to drag myself out of bed and head to the gym every morning. I would love to roll over and get another 2 hours of sleep. But I know how much better I feel when I start my day with a workout, and I have so much weight to lose, I can't afford the luxury of skipping a day here or there. As it is, I'm struggling right now after having had a "snow day" due to ice in my district, and not making it to the gym. And the chances of no school tomorrow are pretty good as well. I need to remind myself that a day off work is not a day off from working out, and find something to do. After all, I have the Biggest Loser Workout for Wii and I also have a step that I can put to good use.

Staying Positive

2011-01-24T16:40:00.000-08:00

Well, it's Monday...weigh-in night. After two big weeks, I knew that I was headed for a low week, so my expectations weren't too high to begin with. Tonight's number: -0.6. Just over half a pound. As I was driving home from my WW meeting, I was thinking over the last week and what led to this loss (because, it is a loss after all.)

1. On Tuesday, I came down with a BAD case of strep. I missed work on Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. I would have missed Friday too, except that we had a Snow Day. I really didn't feel back to normal until Saturday afternoon.

2. Tuesday through Friday, I barely ate. All my weight loss training tells me that when you deprive your body, it starts to act like it's not going to get any more and holds onto whatever it's given (rather than attacking what is stored, which is what we want.)

3. I didn't go to the gym Tuesday through Friday, which I usually do, because of being sick.

4. I was so frustrated by something that happened before I left school today that I drove to my meeting on auto-pilot. Part of my drive home every other day involves drinking water from my big water mug. All this water didn't have a chance to work through my system before weigh-in, and I had a good pound of water waiting in my bladder to be worked out after the meeting was over.

So, all of these factors help me not to justify a small weight loss, but to help me stay on track. To realize that these things happen and that a loss is still a loss. All the hard work I've put in the last three weeks has still led to 12 pounds that are gone from my body. And I'm pretty darn proud of that!

Success!

2011-01-17T16:31:00.001-08:00

Tonight was my second weigh-in after having been on Weight Watchers for two full weeks. The first week was super successful with a loss of 6.6 pounds. That loss kept me going all week. Every second spent on the elliptical machine or the treadmill, all of the crunches I did and the weights I lifted, every choice I made about what to eat and what foods were worthy of using my points on, I was thinking about how great it felt to step on the scale and say goodbye to those 6 pounds. I kept thinking that I needed to make sure that I did everything the same way I did before. It's like when an athlete on a winning streak wears the same socks to every game in the hopes that his actions will keep that streak alive.

Going into this week's weigh-in, I told myself that it wasn't realistic to expect the same kind of weight loss in Week 2. A good loss is 2 pounds per week. In fact, any loss is good. So, you can imagine how thrilled I was to step on the scale tonight and see that I had lost another 5 pounds! That brings my total weight loss to 11.6 pounds in two weeks. I know that I worked hard to shed those pounds. I know that I don't ever want those pounds to return and I'm going to do everything I can to make sure they are gone for good!

Off to a Great Start

2011-01-10T18:34:00.001-08:00

I didn't think I'd be writing another post so soon, but I just had to share an update. I started the Weight Watchers Points Plus program a week ago today and so tonight was my first weigh-in after a week on-program. And I am thrilled to report that, on my first week, I lost 6.6 pounds! I am off to such a great start, I can't help but be excited for all this program has to offer and how I can fit it into my life. I'm ready to shed the fat lady exterior and find the me that I've always known is underneath. I'm not terribly patient when it comes to waiting for results, but it helps to see such a remarkable number the first week. It gives me hope, encouragement, and excitement for what lies ahead.

Where to Begin?

2011-01-08T22:32:00.001-08:00

Time to begin again

I don't even know where to begin with this post. It's been over 2 1/2 years since last I posted. It's been 3 1/2 years since I first started this blog. I'm embarrassed. I'm angry. I'm sad. I'm disappointed. I'm frustrated. I'm back where I started. I weigh just under 20 pounds more now than I did when I started this in 2007. Now, I'm still down about 30 pounds from where I was at my heaviest, (the Before picture on the sidebar) but it's still more of the same.

This week, I started a Photo-a-day blog here on Blogger, so I thought I'd make an attempt to resurrect my other blogs. I was going to delete all my old posts from 2007 and 2008, but as I re-read them, I found that my own words gave me comfort and encouragement and support. I think that I need to know where I came from to help me figure out how to get where I'm going.

In November 2010, Weight Watchers developed a new Points Plus system after 13 years of the 'old' system. Counting points worked for me. Weight Watchers worked for me. The failure in my ability to lose a significant amount of weight on WW was all due to my inability to be consistent and strong and have willpower. So, when I heard about the new Points Plus system, I wanted to check it out, and this past Monday, I re-joined Weight Watchers. This is my 3rd time 'officially' joining. I'm not the type to really go in for the meetings. I just wanted to get the new program materials and get the basic information. Plus, we really can't afford the extra expense of a weekly meeting.

What's different this time?

The excuses are gone, once and for all. Every time I've tried to lose weight before, in the back of my mind has been the knowledge that I was going to get pregnant again. So why should I try so hard to lose weight when I'm only going to put it on again with the pregnancy. Well, I'm not going to have any more babies. I'm done. I have my 3 happy, healthy boys and we're ready to move on to the next stage of our lives as a family. For me, that includes being healthy and being able to do things with my kids without reservation or restriction. I also have an awareness of what makes me successful. It's 3 things: eating healthy, exercising regularly, and writing down what I eat. I also know what leads to my downfall: allowing myself to succumb to excuses, lack of willpower, and laziness. Yes, I'm busy. Who isn't? But, I can't allow the trappings of everyday life to derail me or serve as an excuse for giving up. I need to keep my motivation constantly in the forefront of my mind. I can't slip, even for a moment.

January 2011-My new "Before"

The Journey Begins (Again)

2008-07-15T00:04:00.000-07:00

I'm back. In case you were wondering where I've been, I have a good reason for being gone so long, really I do. Shortly after my last post, I discovered that I was pregnant with Baby #3. So, obviously the Weight Loss Journey was put on hold.

Well, I delivered my beautiful baby boy, my third son, in May and now I'm ready to get back on track. My doctor cleared me to begin light exercising about 3 weeks ago. It's hard to get back into the routine after almost a year of being out of it. But, I'm determined. I met with my personal trainer last week to set up a new workout regimen. I have to ease into it due to the fact that I had a C-Section and am still technically healing, although everything seems fine to me.

The good news is that I weigh less than I did when I gave birth. The bad news is that I weigh more than I did before I got pregnant. So, I'm trying not to get discouraged with how far I have to go, I just have to take it one step at a time. I have to get back into the weight loss mindset. I really don't have any excuses. The baby is old enough to take to the baby room at the gym and the older boys love going to their respective play areas too. Plus, I'm out of work for the summer so I can go in the middle of the day when it's not as busy. The only drawback is that the baby can only be in his childcare room for an hour, so that puts a crunch on my workout time, but I'll figure something out. I just need to get back into the swing of things. I look forward to school starting again only because of the forced reinstatement of my daily routine.

So, keep an eye out for updates on this page. While I did meet my goal of being able to wear maternity clothes with this pregnancy, I still have one more shot to make it to my "dream" of being one of those pregnant ladies who looked like I swallowed a watermelon (did you ever think that would be a dream of someone?) Yes, my baby is only 9 weeks old and I'm already talking about having another one. But, I know that it will be my last so I can't help but have it on my mind.

Here I am with Nicholas at 4 weeks old.

This is me on the beach at Hilton Head 7 weeks after having Nicholas.

Summer Vacation is my Downfall

2007-08-29T05:37:00.001-07:00

As it turns out, I have once again suffered a setback because of summer vacation. I was doing really well on my diet and exercise plan until summer started. I didn't live up to my resolve of still going to the gym at my regular time. But I didn't think it was affecting me too badly. In fact, on our cruise I even went to the gym 3 times and stepped on the scale to discover that I had gained 5 pounds. Pretty manageable.

But, we got home from vacation and didn't really get into a routine. I mean, I only had 2 days after getting home before I had to start back to work. I held off on going back to the gym until the second week of school, which is this week. I started off gently by going to water aerobics on Monday, not going on Tuesday, and then walking around the track today. I didn't get to walk for very long because I got a late start. But then came the shocker. I stepped on the scale and saw that I had gained 11 pounds since my last weigh-in in June. Holy cow, was I shocked. So now I've deleted all of my progress posting and started over again. It's so hard to be optimistic when it's so easy to reverse all of your progress. It makes me so frustrated.

Maybe I'll have some insight or words of wisdom after I've gotten over being angry with myself.

Tweaking the Plan

2007-06-13T20:33:00.000-07:00

It's not selfish to put yourself and your needs first. When you improve the quality of your life, everyone around you will reap the benefits.

Now that school is out, the Weight Watchers at Work meetings are over. I lost 3 pounds in the 6 weeks that we had been meeting. That's a decent half pound a week weight loss. Not bad, but not what I need or expect in order to reach my weight loss goals before summer vacation is over.

I had every intention of joining regular Weight Watchers meetings throughout the summer. There was one problem. Once you join, you have to pay for any meetings you miss. Not a problem in the beginning of the summer when we are in town, but it becomes a problem when we start going on vacations. Of course, in a discussion about losing weight, my darling cynical husband points out that Weight Watchers isn't here to help people. Their purpose is to make money. That's the reason they tell you to take it slow, that losing 1 pound a week is what you should shoot for. See, I told you...cynical.

During our last WW meeting, we were asked to think about what kinds of comments have been make by our friends and family when it comes to our eating behavior, exercise and weight loss. Were they supportive or were they critical? Do they understand what we're trying to do? I really don't discuss my weight loss efforts with others because I don't like to talk about myself. Funny, I know, considering I have a blog that does nothing but talk about me. But, it's true. When I do mention my eating or exercise habits to my friends or co-workers, they generally say how good I look or how they wish they had the ability to get up and go to the gym so early in the morning. They are really nothing but supportive.

We were also asked to think about whether or not our closest relationship thinks we will be successful in keeping our weight off long-term. Here's where I find that Kevin has a lot of faith in me. When we were discussing whether or not it made sense for me to continue with WW meetings, he said that he knew that I didn't need the WW meetings to succeed. I already know what to do, I just have to keep doing it. I just needed a little reminder. The most successful I'd ever been at losing weight was when I was using the tools from WW but doing it on my own. He said that he knows that I have what it takes to make this work. That makes all the difference.

But, of course it wouldn't be Kevin if he didn't think that he had a better way of doing things. Thus, "Kevin Carr's 8 Simple Rules for Weight Loss" was born.

KEVIN CARR'S 8 SIMPLE RULES FOR WEIGHT LOSS

Why Kevin is better than Weight Watchers

1. Pick a calorie/fat/carb/points system and stick to it.

2. If you eat too little in a day or two, don't worry. (In other words, only worry if you go over the limit.)

3. "Work out" at least 4 times each week.

4. Stay awake at least 3 hours after a significant meal; at least 5 hours after a large or main meal.

5. Do something active after each significant meal (e.g. brisk walking or go to the gym); as much as possible, make sure your daily "work out" is after your main meal.

6. Only snack on fruits and vegetables.

7. No sweets or refined sugar for at least 5 days out of a week; "splurge" treat (e.g. ice cream, candy within reason) no more than 2 times a week.

8. Always "work out" after the splurge.

THINGS TO KEEP IN CHECK

sweets

bread

"bad" fat food

"beige" foods

So, a deal has been born. I try the "8 Simple Rules" program for the summer and if I am not successful with it, I can go back to Weight Watchers all I want. I guess the most important thing is that I have a support system, not a saboteur.

To achieve success, all you need to do is truly believe you deserve it.

Unfamiliar Territory

2007-06-04T09:29:00.000-07:00

Don't suspend your life in order to lose weight. In order to be successful for life, adapt the program to your life.

I now find myself in unfamliar territory. I have been trying to lose weight consistently for a little over 2 years now. When I first made the commitment to lose weight, I joined a gym. The gym I joined was very convenient to my work, but not to my house. So, during the week and during the school year, I was very good about going to the gym. In fact, I worked out every morning, Monday through Friday, before school. The problem was that during the weekend and vacations, I didn't go to the gym because it was just too far from my house. So, I would lose a good amount of weight during the school year, but when Winter Break and Summer Break would come, my weight loss would come to a screeching halt (and some of the weight would come back.)

But, here's where I find myself in unfamiliar territory. The gym we joined in January of this year is only about 3 minutes from my house. It has everything I could possibly want or need. They have child care rooms that are open all day long. Can't blame taking care of the kids for not being able to go. They have outdoor pools, just right for the kids, so they beg me to take them to the gym. I've been going to water aerobics classes twice a week (which is going to challenge my determination this summer since the classes are at 6:00 a.m.) and a BodyPump class once a week. My husband and I have hired a personal trainer and already paid for a group of sessions. I am set up for success this summer. Being able to workout is not going to be a failure factor for me. I am anxious to see how this change in my routine affects my summer weight loss goals.

Motivation is what gets you started. Good habits are what keep you going.

Setbacks

2007-05-24T06:46:00.000-07:00

What you did is not important. What you learned from it is.

It's really hard not to get discouraged when you have a setback. This week, for the first time back at Weight Watchers, I gained weight. I am totally aware of the fact that the stress that comes with ending a school year, added to the water weight gain of "that time of the month" is what caused me to gain this week. But, I still can't help but get frustrated at seeing the scale go up.

Before going back to Weight Watchers, I had been at a weight loss plateau for months. No matter how much I exercised, no matter how little I exercised, no matter how much I ate, no matter how little I ate, the scale stayed around the same 2-3 pounds. And now that I'm officially "on the program" it's still hovering around those same 2-3 pounds. Nothing seems to matter. I can't help but ask myself, as everyone does at one point or another on their weight loss journey, "Am I just meant to be this weight? Should I just give up and eat what I want?"

I truly don't think so. I believe that there is a thin person inside me. I'm lucky that I either hide my weight fairly well or have blinders on when it comes to seeing how big I really am. I know it could be worse, but I know that I'm not happy at the weight and size I am. But, I don't suffer because of my weight. I can find cute clothes, not as cute as if they were a size 6, but not hideous old-lady muumuus either. I don't have any health problems. I am able to run around with my kids without suffering shortness of breath or chest pain. I don't have any problems exercising and being active. But I don't want to be pointed out in a crowded room as "the big girl" for the rest of my life either.

Yes, it would be easier to give up, be happy with what I look like and take the stress of trying to lose weight out of the equation. But that's the easy way out. I'm not going to give up on this challenge. I have to overcome my frustration, disappointment and impatience and just keep going. Anything worth doing is worth doing well and anything worth having is worth working for.

Don't quit! You've heard it before, but DON'T QUIT! Okay, so you didn't like the number the scale had to offer you today, but don't quit. You'll miss the results that come when you don't quit!

Patience

2007-05-17T08:54:00.001-07:00

Success is a journey, not a destination. Weight loss is a process. Just being part of the process means you are succeeding.

I'm not exactly a patient person. I've known this for some time now. Instant gratification...that's my thing. So, waiting the long haul to lose weight is just absolute torture for me. I follow the plan, I exercise, I talk the talk and walk the walk. I want the weight gone now!! But that just isn't happening. (Just so you know, it's not just weight loss that I'm impatient about. I hate waiting for the school year to end. I am a very impatient driver. When I know something special is coming up, I create a countdown calendar. I'm not kidding.)

I know that the weight that has settled on me didn't come on overnight and it won't go away overnight. I have to work hard and stick with it. I have been working hard, but it's so slow-going. I don't feel like I'm making any progress at all. In the four weeks that I've been doing Weight Watchers, I've only lost 3 pounds. I want to post some big numbers, but it just isn't happening. I have goals I want to meet and they seem so far out of reach right now.

The really bad thing about my lack of patience is how it consumes me. When I have something, like weight loss, that I'm really working hard at or something I'm looking forward to, it's all I can think about. It's not a bad thing to be so focused on something. That is, unless it interferes with other things. There are days that all I want to do is read up on weight loss and go to the gym and make menus and read success stories on the internet. It really is all-consuming.

There really are no big revelations to be had by writing this post. I don't have a magic formula for getting rid of the impatience or making the weight go away faster. I know, slow and steady wins the race. The longer it takes to take off the weight, the better the chances of it staying off. I guess I just need to be ever-conscious of my impatience and try really hard to not let it get me down.

Remember -- losing "only" one pound a week adds up to 52 pounds a year!

If I'm really being honest...

2007-05-08T11:42:00.000-07:00

Self-control is like a muscle: The more you use it, the stronger it gets.

Well, my subheading does say "An honest look at my life-long journey to gain control of my weight." And if I'm being honest with myself, which is most important on this journey, I have to own up to my shortcomings. I have realized that I am a very reactionary eater. I eat when I'm upset and I have no willpower when others around me are eating things I like but shouldn't have.

I'm not really an evening snacker. In fact, I oftentimes forget to eat. My husband says that's ridiculous. How does someone forget to eat? You may get so busy that you neglect to eat, but he says he's never forgotten to eat. I do it all the time. I get so busy that before I know it bedtime has come and I never made dinner for myself. Now, usually my two hungry little boys will remind me that they need to eat, but if I'm not home when they eat, I'll forget to do it myself. But the other night when Kevin said, "Hey, I'm making an eggroll, do you want one?" (We made homemade egg rolls a few weeks ago and froze them.) I had absolutely no willpower to resist because I remembered how good they were. He really is a bad influence on me. (Sorry honey, but it's true.) When he's not actively "on" a diet he tends to let his eating habits deteriorate and I tend to follow suit. Now the opposite is true as well. When he's "on" a diet, he's a really good influence on me.

I'm also an emotional eater. I was really upset yesterday about something that happened at work and I just fell apart. I didn't care anymore, I just wanted that big Bob Evans breakfast. Nothing soothed me like the Johnny Rockets cheeseburger, fries and chocolate peanut butter shake I had at lunch. I know I'll pay for it when I step on the scale tomorrow afternoon, but at that moment, I just didn't care. I just wanted to drown my sorrows and smother my anger. Now I'm feeling regret, but the damage has been done.

I know the mantras. You're only one glass of water away from being back on-program. Or how about, One day at a time, no guilt and move on. I am going to head to the gym on my way home from work and beat the hell out of that elliptical machine. It's all I can do right now. I can't undo the eggs and sausage. I can't un-eat the cheeseburger and fries. I know that I went way over on points yesterday, but today is a new day. I can't give up because I let it get to me.

So, I'm being honest. I screwed up. But I know it. I own it. I'm back in the game.

Refuse to accept missteps as failures. Try to identify the cause and learn from the experience.

What am I capable of?

2007-05-04T07:58:00.000-07:00

"If you don't think it's possible, it's not."

Our WW meeting this week focused on looking at what we are capable of. Our leader said that only looking at one perspective or aspect of weight loss will put a lid on what we can do. We have to believe that we are capable of doing this. She told us to think about who we are influenced by. Our spouse? Our co-workers? Our parents? Our children? Our friends? Are there people out there who are sabotaging us or bringing us down in our weight loss efforts? This was really something that hit home for me.

"Are you going to live with a history, or work toward a future?"

I don't know what weight I'm capable of attaining. I never knew the number on the scale growing up. I don't remember a time when I wasn't overweight. So, coming up with a goal number is shooting in the dark for me. I don't know what is realistic for a goal weight for me. I look at the "ideal weight" charts for my gender, height, and age and it's a huge window of weights. I don't want to set a goal that is completely unrealistic for me, one that I'll never reach and get frustrated about. But I don't want to shortchange myself either. I guess what I need to do is set a goal, and then readjust as I learn about my body and what my body is capable of. I can't be afraid to aim high.

Right now, I'm actually finding the eating portion of weight loss the most difficult. I've been working out every morning for over a year. I've got that. But I'm finding that I'm lacking willpower and self-control. I do really well in the morning, and pretty good at night at home. It's the in-between times right after lunch and into dinner. I have this great resolve and self-talk, but I succumb to temptation way too easily. I found a quote that I really like and I'm hoping that it might help see me through my temptations.

"Don't give up what you want most for what you want at the moment."

I just need to remember where I've been and where I want to be; and why.

The Start of a New Journey

2007-05-01T08:27:00.000-07:00

IN THE BEGINNING
I have been overweight for the majority of my life. I don't remember a time when I wasn't at least a little chubby. I look back at my elementary school pictures and just wonder. Up until third grade, I was blond and thin. Then in my third grade picture, my hair is suddenly brown and I'm chunky. What happened between second and third grade?

Never one to be brave enough to even own a scale, I never knew what my weight was. I don't know what my lowest was and I don't know what my highest was. I know that I was always bigger than my friends, but that never kept me from having friends. I just couldn't share their clothes. What's funny is that no matter how fat I thought I was, when I look back at pictures I'm amazed at how fat I WASN'T.

When I went to college I was lucky enough to LOSE the "Freshman 15". I attribute it to all the walking I was doing across campus as well as being away from my mom and dad's cooking and eating "philosophy"; that being "clean your plate" and "have seconds" and of course it didn't help that we were eating dinner after 8:00 or 9:00 each night.

GOING DOWN HILL
All was well until I got comfortable in my relationship with my future husband. We had both lost weight when we started college, but once we became "used to" each other, we both started packing on the pounds. After graduation, I had a wedding to plan and was working two jobs. I tried a real weight loss "program." I lost a little bit for the wedding, but not as much as I would have liked. After returning from our honeymoon, we settled in and got really comfortable. There was a fitness center at his office that spouses could use as well. We worked out for a little while. We played racquetball together. I took some aerobics classes--this is where I met my best friend. Then my husband changed jobs and the fitness center was no longer an option. I was on my own. I don't do so well on my own. I even joined Weight Watchers a couple of years later, but I didn't do very well with that either.

For years, I just didn't worry about it. My weight increased gradually, but noticeably. Then I started having children. I was very fortunate to have two wonderful pregnancies with no difficulties. With Liam, my worst problem was that my feet and ankles swelled horribly. With Ben, I was bordering on gestational diabetes, but thankfully it never progressed beyond that. The thing that disappointed me most was my clothing. I was so looking forward to wearing some cute maternity clothes. But that never happened. You see, they make maternity clothes in the same size as you are pre-pregnancy, they just add a little material around the stomach. So all through both pregnancies I never wore maternity clothes. I wore plus-sized clothes that were bigger than my "regular" plus-sized clothes. I was one of those people who never got asked about my pregnancy because people were afraid that I was just fat and they would offend me if they asked about the baby and there wasn't one.

THE TURNING POINT
It all changed for me in January of 2005. This isn't some silly New Year's Resolution. I'm so over those. No, there was a reality show that I watched called "The Biggest Loser." It's not as bad as it sounds. If you already know how this works, skip to the next paragraph. For anyone who isn't familiar with the show, (or for those reading this long after the show has run its course) it starts with 14-16 overweight people who are ready to make a change in their lives. They are given the opportunity to live on a ranch in California for 3 months (or as long as they last in the competition.) The contestants are split into two groups and each group gets their own personal trainer. All these people have to do for the time they are on the ranch is to eat, sleep, and breathe weight loss. They have left their families at home for the opportunity to do nothing but work at losing weight. The trainer shows them how to eat right, how to exercise, and how to modify their lives so that this is a life-long change. Each week, a contestant is voted off based on who lost the least amount of weight (thus bringing down their team's total) or who is the biggest threat to the others wanting to win. In the end, there are three people left. They each go back home for three months to continue to use what they've learned and lose more weight. Finally, there is a finale where we see how each of them did and they reveal their new thin bodies. The transformations are amazing.

So, at the finale of 2005, there was a contestant named Kelly. She had an unbelievable transformation. But what really got me were her statistics. Her starting weight was 5 pounds less than what I weighed at that moment. I was devastated. Surely I don't look like she did? She's a beautiful woman, but it was clearly obvious how incredibly obese she was. I just sat there and cried. I knew that if she could do something about it, I could do something about it. Of course I realized that all she had to worry about for the first three months was exercise and eating right. I still had to do my job and take care of my family. But it was possible.

The next week I joined a gym and began to turn things around. I saw success right away. The next step was adding an eating plan. I had joined Weight Watchers in 1999 and still had all the materials, so I decided to try that on my own. I have now lost a total of 28 pounds. But I've been stalled for quite a while now.

A FRESH START
I officially joined a "Weight Watchers At Work" group. You pay a fee up front to attend meetings at your work place for 6 weeks. During that time you attend one meeting a week, weigh in, get the membership materials and benefit from the knowledge shared at a meeting by not only the leader, but also by other WW participants. One of my co-workers, who knew that I was struggling with my weight loss, suggested that we join together.

So, I called Kevin and asked him if it would be alright for me to join this 6 week long program (not that I'm asking permission mind you, just that he's the one that knows if we can afford it at this time.) Being the wonderful, loving, supportive husband that he is, he said that I could do whatever I felt would help me out with this. (Isn't he the best?!) So, two Wednesdays ago we headed to the school that will be our weigh-in and meeting site for the next six weeks. We got all of our materials and had our first weigh in. Now, I'm not going to list all of my statistics, because I'm just a little too self-conscious to have it all out there like that, but I will post updates. Maybe knowing that I will be keeping an update going here will hold me a little bit more accountable.

I've already had the daily workouts in place, but I'm going farther. I do water aerobics on Mondays and Fridays at 6:00 a.m. with a friend from work. On Tuesdays and Thursdays I do cardio and abs and squats. Wednesday will alternate between cardio, group exercise class and the strength training that's been set up with my personal trainer.

I guess what has changed the most is that for me, it's time. I've tried in the past to lose weight but other things were always more important. This time around, this is more important. I'm ready. I have goals that I want to achieve, things I want to accomplish. But it all comes down to the belief that it is time. I need to do this for me.

MY GOALS
1. Lose 75 pounds
2. Firm up and tone my body
3. Wear clothes that DON'T come from a plus-sized store
4. Be thin before getting pregnant again
5. Know what it's like to NOT be fat
6. Be healthy
7. Have the energy to play with my kids

Wish me luck!